


Duck Ponds and Gods

by Arenoptara



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bread, Frenemies, M/M, Pigeons, duck ponds, like i have no idea what the hell i was on when i wrote this, making out in duck ponds, stupid dumb assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1399345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arenoptara/pseuds/Arenoptara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean confronts Eren about modeling for Annie's art class as a favor to Armin and things spin out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duck Ponds and Gods

Eren sat on the park bench, throwing crumbs at the hoard of pigeons that worshiped him as God. Every time he threw one, he muttered some ridiculous blessing like, “May you fly for hours without getting tired,” or “May you see better than ever before for a whole day.” Maybe he was crazy, acting like the pigeon god, but he was good at it. Not just anyone would hand out such great blessings. And Eren never left out anyone. He had a blessing for each pigeon every week when he came to feed them: his hungry throng!

“What the fuck are you doing, Jaeger?”

Another pigeon to join the flock. Eren threw a bread crumb into his face just as Jean opened his mouth to speak again. Score!

Jean spit the bread crumb out, and a pigeon ran to swallow the spit-soaked morsel. “What the hell was that for?”

“Feeding the pigeons,” Eren said. He tore off some bread for himself and chewed noisily just because he could. Jean hated noisy chewing.

“Do I look like a pigeon to you, you piece of shit?” Some pigeons came pecking around Jean's black boots, trying to find more hidden pieces of bread he might be stashing away. He kicked out at them, face turning red.

“Hey,” Eren said crossly. “That's my faithful flock you're kicking.” He threw a piece at a particularly troubled pigeon. “May you be free of violent Jean Kirschteins for your entire life. By the way, what do you want?”

Jean sat down on the bench as far from Eren as he could, and then crossed his legs. “I'm not here of my own volition, I can assure you. Armin asked me for a favor, so I'm doing this for him. He's busy in a meeting with Erwin about something boring that I will undoubtedly end up having to do all the physical work for.”

“Undoubtedly. What's the favor?” Eren pinched some bread between his thumb and forefinger and then flicked it over at Jean's ear.

“Will you cut it out! Jesus. You're worse than Marco. No, so the—“ He cut off again because more pigeons had zoned in on his feet and he had to kick them away. “What the fuck are wrong with these things?”

Eren sighed. “I told you, they're my faithful followers. They know who you are, so they're acting accordingly.”

“You're insane!” Jean altered position, putting his feet up on the bench.

“Are you ever going to tell me what Armin asked you to do?” Eren asked dryly. “If it's about Annie's art class, I already told him no. I don't care what perfect angles my face and body possess; I am not going to pose for hours for a painting. Wait, why don't they ask you?” He suggested with an evil grin. “I'm sure Annie couldn't resist the angles on your face. She may even want to do it nude!”

“You wish,” Jean snorted. And then he ran that through his head and his face got all red again angrily. “I didn't fucking mean it that way.” Too late, because Eren was laughing and throwing more pieces of bread at him. Jean tried in vain to block them, but the barrage was too intense. Instead, he retaliated by reaching for the loaf of bread in Eren's hands. They both grabbed on tight, Eren trying to pull it away, but Jean clinging on for dear life.

They both ended up falling onto the sidewalk, the pigeons flying away in alarm. “You scared my flock away!” Eren complained as they lay sideways on the ground.

Jean gave a mighty tug so he was on top of Eren, teeth bared. “I don't care about your fucking pigeons, Jaeger. Just give me the bread and pose for that damn picture.”

Twirling his body, Eren switched places and now was on top, fingers digging into the loaf of bread. “ _You_ pose for the picture!” He tried to shove the bread in Jean's face.

They rolled around some more, going off into the grass, growling at each other, nearing the pond with every tug. They were so caught up in the Battle of the Bread that their bodies toppled over the edge, down the little hill, and right into the duck pond. The bread flew from their hands, landing in the very middle, immediately sopping up all the water like a sponge.

Jean came up coughing and cursing. “Fuck you and your loaf of bread, Jaeger!” He splashed towards the bread, eager to win.

Eren leaped on top of Jean, wrapping his arms around Jean's torso and throwing him off into the side of the pond with a muddy splash. It became too much for the couple of ducks in there and they escaped, running out, wiggling their tails, and quacking—probably insults in duck or whatever.

With his hands just inches from the bread, Eren cried victoriously. Until Jean pounced on him, and Eren's face smashed right into the bread. Laughing hysterically, a mud-faced Jean peeled it from his face and then held the soggy lump in the air with a woop. “You may be the pigeon god, Jaeger, but I am the bread god.”

Eren sat up, wiping soggy bread and mud from his face. “It's not over till I say it is.” He wrapped his arms around Jean again and then pulled him back into the water. The bread flew out of his hands, landing just barely on dry shore. Meanwhile, Jean and Eren's bodies crashed into each other, causing the biggest splash yet. Jean's face ended up in Eren's shoulder. With a groan, he pushed himself up and glared down at Eren.

“Do. The. Damn. Painting. If you don't, Armin will give me his disappointed look of death and I can't handle that. And I don't want Annie to kick my ass, because you know she will. This is what I get for walking in on them,” Jean growled. “God, my life will never be the same again.”

Eren grinned. “You're a fucking perv, Jean.”

“I didn't do it on purpose, you asshole.”

“Are you going to get off of me?”

“Not until you agree to model for Annie,” Jean said through gritted teeth.

“I won't unless you do too. Then she'll get double the practice. But yours has to be nude.”

“Fuck it. I'd rather deal with letting Armin down,” Jean said.

Eren smiled mischievously. See, no one could let Armin down and live with it. It was simply not possible. Especially with a girlfriend like Annie who would give you death threats with those icy blue eyes of hers. Jean would do it.

While he was preoccupied with thoughts of doom, Eren threw him off and trapped _him._ “You can't let Armin down, Jean. It goes against the morals of every human being. It's unethical. You would be the spawn of Satan.”

“And you _wouldn't?_ ”

“I'm not the one who walked in on them doing it, am I?” Eren said nonchalantly. “We do the modeling, the both of us. I'll wear extra clothes to make up for your lack of them.”

“You just wanna see my dick, don't you, Jaeger? Maybe I was right about you wishing that.”

Eren wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Don't make me vomit, Kirschtein. Really. That's like a horror movie. I can't imagine anything worse. You probably have the ugliest dick in the world.”

“That's rich coming from someone who actually _is_ a dick,” Jean shot back. “Get the hell off me before I kick you in the nuts.”

“God, you're so gay, Kirschtein. You just have a preoccupation with the male—“

“You shut your whore mouth, Jaeger.”

Instead, Eren shut Jean's, pressing his mouth against the other's. They both had mud on their faces, so it tasted like dirt and duck poop and soggy bread. In fact, it was probably the worst kiss either of them had ever had. But suddenly their bodies were entangled in one another and they couldn't seem to stop.

Until someone walked up to the pond and asked, “What are you guys doing?” It was Annie.

The two of them broke apart. Jean tried frantically to fix his mud-encrusted hair, and Eren pretended to look for the bread—the bread that was at Annie's feet. She gave it a nudge with her toe and then looked dryly back at the two. “I guess Armin wins.”

“Wins what?” Eren and Jean said in sync.

Annie half-smiled. “The bet we made about you two. Kissing and stuff.”

“What the fuck? We never kissed,” Eren protested.

“I'd rather eat that soggy loaf of bread than kiss _Jaeger_ ,” Jean growled.

“Right, so what you two were doing, that was just wrestling in the duck pond covered in mud and poop over a loaf of bread?” Annie laughed. “I'm kind of glad Armin won. By the way, that reminds me, Eren are you going to model for my painting?”

Both of them swallowed, lost in the depths of her eyes. The eyes that said, “You better fucking model for my painting or Armin won't be pleased. And neither will I.”

“You say a fucking word about this to _anyone,_ ” Jean said.

“About what? I thought you said nothing happened?” Annie ran a hand over the back of her neck.

Eren growled. “We'll both model for your class.”

Annie actually fully smiled. “Good. Then I'll see you at my apartment at eight o'clock.” She waved and headed off, hands in her pockets.

“So what now pigeon god?” Jean muttered.

“You're the bread god. You tell me.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“I hate you too, Kirschtein.”

They looked over at each other, and then dove right back into that wild kiss Annie had interrupted.


End file.
